


Not Him

by Jubilee44



Category: Black Widow (Comics), Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Winter Soldier (Comics)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Arranged Marriage, Arranged Marriage, F/M, winterwidow - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-04
Updated: 2016-11-03
Packaged: 2018-04-19 01:59:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 21,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4728530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jubilee44/pseuds/Jubilee44
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Natasha's family had to flee from Russia during the Revolutions in 1905. She believed they had everything they had as wealthy Russian aristocracy. But when she's arranged to be married to the son of an English viscount, she realizes the Romanov family has nothing to their name. She meets her husband-to-be, James Buchanan Barnes, but they instantly clash.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

            Natasha turned twenty in 1905 when the majority of her family moved to England. With the revolutions breaking out in their mother country, Russia, the Romanov family made a hasty retreat. Natasha was a young woman and not very educated because she was aristocrat born. So when her family fled Russia she had no idea why. With the working class rising, the Romanov family had no choice and escaped to Russia with little to nothing but their name.

           

            Natasha looked around the English landscape. She didn’t miss Russia that much because she realized how much she liked the warmer weather. She couldn’t describe why but the little honeybees buzzing around the flowers seemed to be one reason. Another could’ve been the stable not too far away that had large pastures. Each one held three or four gorgeous horses all colored uniquely. It was one of Natasha’s favorite pastimes to venture down the fields to watch the horses graze and to sit among the hum of the bees.

            “Natasha!” Arina, her mother called from the estate they had started to live in.

            Natasha reluctantly stood up and traveled the distance from the pastures back to the large manor. She met her mother at the back door.

            “Look at you!” Arina scolded and tried to brush off the grass stains and dirt that had accumulated on her daughter’s dress. “Go change immediately, we have guests.” She pointed to the stairs.

            Natasha wanted to protest but she didn’t and went upstairs to her room. She found a fresh dress to put on and even fixed her hair a little bit, pulling a strand of grass out of it as well. She passed by her window but stopped when she saw a fancy looking carriage pull up. She watched as two men and a woman exited it once it stopped. There was an aging man who looked proud and wealthy. He had the woman who Natasha assumed to be his wife on his arm. She looked just as wealthy but had a more humble expression on her soft features. There was a younger man who looked to be in his mid to late twenties. He didn’t seem to be interested in whatever business the other two were there for. Natasha was stuck at the window trying to interpret everything that was happening at the front of her house.

            “Natasha!” Arina called again. “Come downstairs, we have guests!” She reminded her.

            Natasha forced her eyes away from the window and rushed downstairs she almost stumbled down the stairs that led out to the drive. She righted herself and stood next to her mother and father.

            “Natasha, this is Viscount Barnes and Viscountess Elizabeth Barnes.” Grigori Romanov, her father, introduced the two.

            “It’s a pleasure, Miss Natasha.” Walter Barnes approached the young woman to kiss her hand.

            Elizabeth subtly nodded her head. “Very nice to meet you, darling.” She said softly.

            Natasha was a little taken aback. She glanced over at her parents for guiding. _A viscount?_ She wanted to yell at them for not warning her first. She cleared her throat and bobbed into a clumsy curtsy. “Thank you.” She said shyly.

            “And this is our son, James.” Walter held out a hand to bring forward the younger man.

            He nodded to Natasha and took her hand to kiss it. In the split second he glanced up at her with piercing blue-gray eyes. His dark brown hair fell just over his eyes and he had a boyish smile that seemed to always linger at the corner of his lips. Natasha’s heart stuttered and she could’ve sworn her cheeks turned bright red. She couldn’t even dream of speaking.

            Lucky for her James could be stunned by her beauty but found the words. “It’s nice to meet you.” He said politely.

            “Why don’t you come in?” Grigori invited the Viscount and his wife inside. James let go of Natasha’s hand and followed his parents into the manor as well. Natasha, however, was left standing on the steps utterly dumbfounded at the man she’d just met.


	2. Chapter 2

            “Natasha, perhaps you’d like to show James the back lawn?” Arina prompted her daughter.

            Natasha nodded but could hardly look at James, afraid that she would die of embarrassment. She went out the back door and the viscount’s son followed her.

            James walked next to her and put a hand in his coat pocket. “So, you’re from Russia?” He struck up conversation with the young woman he just met.

            Natasha nodded. “Far away, I know.” She said quietly. She was suddenly very self-conscious about her thick accent. She kept her eyes on the ground as she walked slowly. She didn’t want to trip over her own two feet in front of the man.

            “I’ve never been.” James replied. “Is it nice there?” He looked over at her. He took in her pale features that were sharply contrasted by her dark red hair. Her long bangs had fallen out of the loose bun she had put up that morning and partly covered her green eyes. He could see her cheeks were growing pinker and pinker.

            Natasha nodded. She didn’t want to talk anymore in fear he would think ill of her because of her accent.

            “What is it like?” James prompted her to speak more. He was thinking the complete opposite from her. He thought her foreign accent was beautiful and he wanted to hear her speak.

            “It’s colder than here.” Natasha said shyly. She felt a little more comfortable and glanced up at the path ahead of her. “There are more flowers here…it’s very pretty.”

            James smiled seeing her eyes sparkle. “I’ve lived here my whole life. But my family likes to travel a lot.” He said. “But we never went to Russia I guess.”

            “It’s a beautiful place just very different.” Natasha nodded and bit her lip to keep from smiling too much. She wanted him to think that she was a proper woman like her mother taught her to be.

            James, again, thought differently. He caught a glimpse of her smile and wanted to make her smile even more. “No people talking in a funny way?” He joked with a smirk.

            Natasha held back a giggled but a smile shone through on her face. “No there are.” Her voice was like music, lilting and soft. “There are a lot they just talk in a different funny way.”

            James laughed. “Fair enough.” He nodded. He was going to ask more about her when Natasha’s mother called them back inside.

            Natasha sighed and turned around to go back, James still following next to her. They didn’t say anything else; both were wondering why their parents were acting so strangely that day.

 

            “And the dowry’s in place?” Walter asked from the parlor. Natasha and James could hear from the back door though.

            Alarm bells started going off in Natasha’s head. _Dowry?_ She knew what that meant.

            “Yes.” Grigori answered but his voice sounded false to his daughter. “I’ll give…” He looked up when Natasha and James walked into the parlor.

            Arina looked to her daughter. “Natasha, darling we need to talk about your future.”

            “Yes mama.” Natasha nodded. “What about it?” She didn’t know what James had to do with her future.

            James looked to his father wondering the same thing. Walter cleared his throat and stood up. “The Romanov family has been so kind as to offer Natasha’s hand to you, James.” He said to his son.

            Natasha’s green eyes widened. “What?” She demanded.

            “Her hand?” James looked just as appalled. “What as in marriage?” He asked his voice going up and octave.

            “James, keep your voice done it’s not something to yell about. You two should be happy. It’s a very nice fit. You’re the same age, and I’m sure in time you’ll grow fond of each other.” Elizabeth said gently.

            “I did not agree to any of this!” Natasha went over to her mother as if they would marry her to James on the spot and she could avoid it by moving away from him. “Mama, please I don’t want to get married now. I don’t love him, I don’t even know him!”

            “Marriage isn’t always about love. Now hush and behave.” Arina said sternly but in a quiet voice so the others wouldn’t hear.

            “Everything has been arranged and the wedding should be in a few months.” Walter said with a nod. “It will be a great tie for our families.”

            “A few months?!” James and Natasha both exclaimed at the same time. They looked at each other and there wasn’t the meek politeness there anymore. There was only hatred left for one another. 


	3. Chapter 3

            Natasha had to bite her tongue so hard it bled. She was seated next to her husband-to-be at a fancy dinner thrown by her parents. It had only been a few hours since the two found out their fate so there was no letting go of any angry feelings. Of course they should’ve been more upset with their parent, seeing as neither of them wanted to get married, but instead they turned on one another. Natasha hated James and James despised her right back.

            He wouldn’t admit to it because it was probably not the wisest idea to, but he had a young woman back in his home city that he occasionally visited. The two could never be seen together though because James was seen as a higher status over her and it would be socially incorrect. Though the secret relationship was straining and caused him great anxiety he would’ve much rather had it than one with a girl he didn’t know.

            Natasha had no one, she had a few suitors try to court her but she was uninterested. She wanted adventure. She wanted to see the large cities and the booming industry that was just occurring during the turn of the century. She wanted to see London, Paris, New York, all of it. She was not content with sitting at home doing chores and tending after a family or a husband she didn’t love or even know.

            “Ow!” Natasha hissed at him as one of James’s feet swung right into her leg. The table was full of gossiping and political talking aristocrats who didn’t even pay attention to the two. Which was ironic seeing as the dinner _was_ to celebrate their engagement. “That was my leg!” She snapped at him.

            “Sorry.” James rolled his eyes though at how dramatic she sounded. Before he wanted to hear her voice and hear every word she had to say. But now the more she talked the more he wanted to tell her to be quiet.

            “Keep your feet to yourself.” Natasha ground her teeth and for good measures, stomped on his toes.

            James nearly jumped out of his seat. “What was that for?” He demanded, his blue-gray eyes darkening.

            “Payback.” Natasha didn’t even look at him. She was content with just glancing at all the other faces sitting around her.

            “Crazy girl…” James muttered. “I wish we’ve never met.” He told her as if he thought it would set her off. He really hoped it would.

            “Likewise.” Natasha replied coolly.

            That annoyed James. He was normally the person who didn’t give too much care to a situation. He was the smooth talker who didn’t get very flustered. But now this…. this girl was driving him insane. He exhaled sharply and stood up. “Kitchen, now.” He said in a low voice.

            “I don’t have to listen to you, you’re not my husband yet.” Natasha defied and stayed put.

            James wasn’t playing around and grabbed her wrist, pulling her out of the chair. No one seemed to notice as he toted her along into the kitchen. Natasha tried to struggle free but his grip was like an iron clamp.

            The servants in the kitchen looked up in surprise when they saw the master’s daughter and the Viscount’s son enter. “Out.” James said in a voice that was not to be reckoned with. They all dropped what they were doing and filed out of the kitchen.

            Natasha made a face at him. “You have no right to say that to them and you have no right to do this to me. You stupid, horrible…”

            James shoved her up against the wall pinning her wrist over her head. “Listen to me very carefully.” He hissed. His steely eyes glared at her making her feel uncomfortable and her own eyes shifted away every other moment. “Are you listening?” He raised his voice.

            “Y-yes.” Natasha choked out. No one had ever asserted himself so strongly against her like that. It terrified her.

            “The last thing I want to do on this Earth is marry a girl like you.” James spat. “I didn’t agree to this and I didn’t agree to such a stubborn girl who cannot keep her mouth shut.”

            All fear aside, it upset Natasha that he was calling her such names. Of course she’d called him names too but she didn’t push and pull him around like a rag doll either. “Do not call me that.” She narrowed her eyes. “I didn’t agree to this either. Why would I ever want to marry a pompous, ignorant bastard who thinks he can win everyone over with one of those stupid smirks?” She retorted back at him in the same tone.

            James’s eyes darkened even more. His grip tightened on her wrist but in surprise he let go and turned around. He let out a frustrated growl and ruffled his hair. “You’re infuriating!” He snapped. “I can’t even spend a day with you, how am I supposed to marry you?”

            “I didn’t ask you to.” Natasha spat back at him. She rubbed her wrist, the skin already turning red.

            “Just go.” James pointed to the door.

            “Don’t order me around.” Natasha stomped her foot and ground her teeth. She hated bossy people.

            James sighed. “Please?” He gave in a little bit just to get her back sitting at the table.

            Natasha gritted her teeth and listened, going out the door. He followed her with an exhale of relief. They both sat down and Natasha promptly reached for her fork. She checked to see if the utensil wasn’t too sharp. When she found it to be dull she reached across and partly stabbed James’s hand with the fork.

            “Christ are you trying to fucking kill me?” James growled under his breath so they wouldn’t raise suspicion.

            “Don’t you dare ever drag me somewhere like that. I am not someone you control and I’m certainly not someone you’ll ever lay your hands on. If you abuse me I’ll abuse you right back.” Natasha threatened.

            “Deal.” James muttered. He wasn’t the abusing type to begin with and he wasn’t going to start to be even if his fiancée was driving him crazy.

            “Thank you.” Natasha unstuck the fork from his skin and struck up conversation with a woman beside her.

            James stared at her and then at the three red marks made by the fork. It was the last time he ever dragged her anywhere by her wrist and the last time he turned his back on her.


	4. Chapter 4

            “Mama, I don’t want to go.” Natasha was nearly in tears as her mother and servants packed all her things.

            “Natasha, listen to me. This is going to be good for you. This is the life you want to live, trust me. The Barnes can give you everything you want.” Arina said without looking at her daughter.

            “You and papa said you could give me everything I wanted. You said I could choose the life I wanted to life.” Natasha hiccupped and clutched onto a dress too stubborn to pack it away. She was trying to delay her leaving to live at the Barnes estate. But it didn’t seem to be working, as her room was getting emptier and emptier.

            Arina turned around with a fierce look on her face. “Those are childish thoughts. You are twenty years old and a grown woman. You will go to stay with them, you’ll marry him, and that will be your life so enough with the whining.” She snapped.      

            Natasha lost it and burst into tears. She felt like an iron box was closing in on her and she was suffocating. She dropped the dress and ran out of her room. She stormed down the stairs in tears and accidentally ran into James.

            He looked startled as she collided into his arms. “Erm…are you okay?” James asked uncomfortably not knowing what to do. His arms were stiff but his hands gently touched her arms.

            Natasha looked up at him and shoved him away. “Leave me alone!” She cried and tried to go for the door. But she was so mad she had to take it out on someone and he was a good candidate. “This is all your fault!”

            “My fault?” James demanded. “You think I wanted all of this? I’d like to leave now without you thank you very much. But I can’t. You’re going to come with me and neither of us can do anything about it!” He yelled at her.

            Natasha balled her hands up into fists, digging her nails into her palms. She was so upset but could hardly verbalize anymore. She fell to her knees in a tearful heap.

            James didn’t know what to do. He could hardly look at her it was making him so uneasy. He swallowed and looked up the stairs to see Arina standing at the landing. She had tears in her eyes but didn’t say anything. She turned and went back to packing her daughter’s life away.

            The trunks were stored in the carriage but Natasha was still inconsolable. She stayed in the middle of the front room still crying, her throat scratchy, her head dizzy from hyperventilating, and her body aching.  

            Arina didn’t know what to do. Grigori was still at work and couldn’t convince his daughter to go. She stood at the front door looking out helplessly at James who was pacing in front of the carriage. He checked his pocket watch and sighed. He knew his parents would have his head if he were late. They told him they expected both Natasha and James at the estate at six for dinner. He pinched the bridge of his nose and decided to go back inside. “I’m terribly sorry for this.” He said quietly to Arina.

            The Romanov wife nodded and swallowed. She knew nothing else would get Natasha to leave. “It’s fine. It’s best to just get it over with. I’ll write to her.” She whispered in a broken voice. She knew it had to be done but it still hurt to see her only child leave.

            James walked up to Natasha and bent down to pick her up. She immediately reacted and tried to struggle against him. She was so exhausted from crying the day away.

            “Leave me alone!” She shouted hoarsely at him. “Just l-leave m-me alo-alone!” She stopped fighting though and went limp in his arms knowing this was her fate. Natasha would have to give up dreams of traveling alone and exploring, as she wanted not having to listen to anyone else, she could pick her own path. But now this was her path and she hadn’t even been able to choose.

            James felt terrible but he had no choice and if he did he would never have forced Natasha to marry him. He would’ve wanted to just leave her be so she could leave him be. He carried her to the carriage and got inside still holding Natasha. He sat down and went to place her on the seat across from him but she clung to him.

            Natasha didn’t want him to comfort her but she needed someone and he was the only one left. She buried her face in his shirt and continued to cry softly.

            James sighed and wrapped his arms around her not knowing what else to do. He decided he would probably need to comfort her later on in their marriage because it would be a terrible one. 

 

            Natasha eventually moved from his arms and stared out the carriage window without saying a word. James didn’t speak either. He was starting to feel guilty even though he knew it wasn’t his fault, as he told her before and would probably tell her again.

            The carriage pulled up the long drive to the front of the large estate. It was one of the biggest houses Natasha had ever seen. But she wasn’t about to get excited about the place she didn’t want to be.

            James got out and held out a hand to her to help her down. It was only formalities, he reminded himself. Natasha didn’t take his hand and got down herself. He just rolled his eyes and cleared his throat. She glanced over at him as he held out his arm. Formalities. Natasha’s eyes narrowed but she gave him his arm to lead her up the front stairs to the door.

            Elizabeth opened the door with a smile. “We were wondering when you two would get here!” She said excitedly and hurried them both in. She shut the door and at the sound Natasha removed her arm from his. “I’ll have your things brought in. Natasha, I’ll show you the house.” Elizabeth put a hand on her daughter-in-law-to-be’s shoulder.

            Natasha followed glad to see the viscountess’s friendly face. She was still quiet though.

            “I know this is hard for you. I was against marrying Walter at first but I once I gave him time I found out I was given the best chance to marry the love of my life.” Elizabeth said gently.

            Natasha swallowed. She wasn’t sure she’d ever call James the love of her life even in the future. “Yes, my Lady.” She said respectively.

            “Please, Natasha, you don’t have to call me that.” Elizabeth smiled and led her down the grand hallway that led to the bedrooms. “Elizabeth is fine, after all we will be family.”

            Natasha nodded and made a mental note to herself to call her that. She didn’t want to embarrass herself. “Okay.”        

            “Now I understand if you are uncomfortable and would like to have your own room for the meantime. But I would like to remind you that it won’t be long ‘till you and James will be living together.” Elizabeth reminded her as carefully as she could. She didn’t want to upset the young woman who looked like she’d been crying for hours.

            Natasha cleared her throat and nodded. “I understand L-Elizabeth.” She said quietly.

            “It’s up to you. I have an empty room for you if you please.” Elizabeth stopped in front of James’s room though.

            “I suppose I should stay with James.” Natasha said reluctantly. She didn’t care if he minded or not. But of course he did. 


	5. Chapter 5

            “Mum, I didn’t…!” James exclaimed outside of his room a while later when he found Natasha’s things on his bed.

            “Quiet!” Elizabeth scolded her son. She didn't want Natasha to hear them arguing about the situation. 

            James ground his teeth but complied and lowered his voice volume. “I didn’t agree to this.” He muttered. “Why does she have to stay with me?”

            “Because you’re going to be married.” Elizabeth answered simply and wouldn't go into any other detail. She seemed to think that was a good enough reason.

            “So?”

            “James Buchanan Barnes enough!” Elizabeth snapped angrily at her son. “Go in there and be polite. She’s a lovely girl and you’ll be lucky to have her.”

            James wanted to say something about how the ‘lovely girl’ had acted at dinner but the fire in his mother’s eyes told him to shut up. He groaned and pushed open the door. He thought about his illegitimate girlfriend but tried to not think about her until a later date.  

            The young man’s room was more like a suite with two rooms attached openly. In the front room there was a few chaises, sofas, and stiff looking loveseats around a glass table. The next room held the king sized bed with a pale blue bedspread and gold embroidered pillows. Natasha was wandering around not snooping necessarily because there was really nothing to see. There was a portrait of the family hanging on the wall, James looked around ten, but that was it. Everything was neat and almost bare. Natasha wondered if he even slept there before because it looked like he hadn't. She turned around when she heard him walk in.

            James walked past her and went to change in the attached bathroom without a word.

            Natasha watched him a little warily. She glanced at the bed and then decided to go sit in the other room. She didn’t intend to sleep next to him. She sat on the softest couch and pulled her shawl closer around her as if it would protect her from everything.

            James came back out and looked around for Natasha until he saw her sitting in the front room still in the same dress she'd arrived in. She hadn't opened her suitcase. She felt like if she did it would be like she was giving in. She wasn't.

            “It’s late.” He prompted in a stiff voice just like the cushions on the furniture.

            “I’d imagine.” Natasha replied not even looking at him. “It was a long ride here.” She said like they were trying to make conversation but really she just wanted to piss him off. She knew why he was saying this. 

            “I’m going to bed, I would rather you not wake me up when you come to bed too. Here,” James offered a hand to her. It wasn't even a formality, it was a gesture saying, 'don't defy me'. 

            “I’m not sleeping in your bed with you beside me, Mr. Barnes.” Natasha hissed. She even demoted his namely status just to tick him off even more.

           But that didn’t seem to bother him very much. “Then where in the world are you going to sleep?” James asked condescendingly. "On the floor?" 

            Natasha gestured to the couch. “Here I suppose. Goodnight.” She kicked up her bare feet on the sofa and curled up, closing her eyes. She used her shawl as a makeshift blanket.

            James glared at her but was too tired to say anything else. He pinched the bridge of his nose and gave up. He went into the other room and got in bed. He was starting to resign herself to the fact that if Natasha wanted to do something he would just have to let her be. 

            Almost an hour later and no matter how tired he was James still couldn’t sleep. He felt something like…guilt? Why would he feel guilty though and what about? He sat up and caught sight of Natasha’s sleeping body. She was shivering ever so slightly through the thin shawl and dress. Bucky sighed and stood up. He went over to scoop her up as gently as he could so he wouldn’t wake her. He didn’t want to fight with her because it was too late. He laid her in bed and pulled the covers over her. He then went back to sleep on the couch she’d been sleeping on.


	6. Chapter 6

            The next morning, Natasha woke up in an empty room. She was surprised to find she was in James’s bed. For a second her heart stuttered. She was afraid something had happened last night that she didn’t remember. She got out of bed and went to change, finally opening her suitcase. She found a decent enough dress and traveled slowly down the hall. She had to breathe deeply to calm her thoughts of homesickness. She arrived at the dining room and found the Barnes family already eating breakfast. She sat down timidly and Elizabeth smiled.

            “Good morning, darling.” She said gently. “Would you like some breakfast?” She asked.

            Natasha shook her head. “No thank you, I’m not very hungry.” She said politely. Her eyes flicked over to James but he was looking out the large bay windows in the room.

            “James, why don’t you show Natasha around the grounds today? It’s beautiful out and it won’t be this warm for a long time.” Elizabeth warned of the cold English winters.

            James looked over at her with a sour look but gave in when his mother gave him fierce eyes. “Yes, mother.” He muttered.        

            Natasha’s stomach dropped as she thought of having to spend time with James, more time than actually necessary. James stood up and she decided not to fight in the presence of Elizabeth and Walter.

 

            Elizabeth was right though it was beautiful outside. Natasha relished in the warm sun as she walked through the maze-like garden. A gate lead out to large fields like the ones behind the Romanoff estate, and there were more fences and a large building. There were horses outside grazing the lush grass. Natasha smiled and felt more at home seeing the horses. It comforted her knowing she would have somewhere to hide out and disappear from her future.

            James noticed Natasha staring at the horses. “Do you like horses?” He asked. There was no point in being sarcastic towards her on such a simple topic. He enjoyed horseback riding and if she did too it would maybe give them something to agree on.

            “I do.” Natasha nodded. “I’ve never ridden one before but I think they’re absolutely beautiful animals.” She said softly, her green eyes watching a speckled grey horse with a long thick mane and tail.

            “That’s Caellum.” James said when he followed her line of vision. “He’s pretty rare, a blue roan Gypsy Vanner.”

            “He’s gorgeous.” Natasha watched the horse walk slowly to the fence and look out to a few stable hands walking nearby.

            “Come on.” James started to walk towards the pasture. “I’ll introduce you two.” He said with a small smile.

            Natasha followed eagerly. She never went close to the horses back home because she wasn’t sure who owned them and they were always so far away. As they approached, Caellum nickered softly and tossed his head. His forelock flipped up and then fell over one of his dark eyes.

            James reached up to stroke the horse’s big cheek and nose. “He’s friendly.” He promised Natasha when he noticed how she wasn’t going as close as he was. “Here.” James reached into his pocket and gave a sugar cube to her. He’d swiped it during breakfast for his plan to visit his own horse, Kit.

            Natasha looked a little nervous but went up to Caellum. The large horse stretched his neck over to sniff her fist that held the treat. She unfurled her fingers and held out the sugar to him. Her lips eagerly probed her hand to pick it up. Natasha giggled at the way Caellum’s long whiskers tickled her palm.

            James smiled at how delighted she looked. “He seems to like you. Do you want to ride him?” He asked casually.

            Natasha looked over at him in surprise. “Really? I don’t know how…”

            “Well you have to start somewhere.” James said and started to walk over to the stables. He glanced over his shoulder. “Coming?” He asked.

 

            “Keep your back straight.”

            “It’s straight, what are you talking about?” Natasha looked down at James who was standing in the center of the field.

            “You’re slouching.” James slowly circled around as he watched Natasha riding Caellum at a walk.

            Natasha sighed and straightened her posture. “Is that better?” She asked not looking over at him.

            “Yes, much better but you have to raise your hands a bit.” James instructed. “He needs to be able to listen to your commands through the reins.” Natasha listened and lifted her hands off the horse’s back. James walked up to the horse to help her stop. He stroked Caellum’s neck and looked up at Natasha. “You’re a natural.” James said gently.

            Natasha blushed a bit and looked down at the saddle. “Oh…well thank you.” She replied.

            “Here, I’ll help you down.” James held out his arms to her. “It’s sort of a long way down from his back, he’s pretty tall.”

            Natasha nodded and swung her leg around to slide down and into James arms. He set her down on her feet but didn’t withdraw his arms. They stayed close, Natasha turned around a bit to look into his eyes. “James.” She said quietly.

            “What…?” He asked.

            “You can let go now.” Natasha said glancing down at his arms wrapped around her waist.

            James snapped out of the moment and stepped away. “Sorry, sorry I-I don’t…” He wasn’t sure what had gotten into him. “My apologies.”

            “It’s okay.” Natasha said with a small smile. “I’m sure you couldn’t help yourself.” She teased and started to walk Caellum back to the stable.

            James swallowed hard and ran a hand through his hair. “Damn woman.” He muttered and went to follow her.


	7. Chapter 7

            A few weeks passed and Natasha started to sleep in James’s bed. It wasn’t because they were falling in love, though they were getting along better, it was because the sofa was not working for her back.

            One night, Natasha stayed awake on her side. James was already asleep and was facing her, also on his side. His blue-gray eyes were closed peacefully and his lips were parted slightly as he breathed heavily but silently. Natasha couldn’t help but watch him as she tried to fall asleep herself. He looked so calm, unlike his stiff and sarcastic behavior when he was awake. She thought to herself if maybe there was another side to him that he kept hidden for one reason or another. Maybe if she could find that side of him she would be happier marrying him. Of course Natasha was also trying to think of different ways her life could turn out better from this situation of an arranged marriage.

            James yawned and started to wake up a bit when he felt someone watching him. He opened his eyes and was surprised to see Natasha doing just that. “What’re you doing?” He slurred sleepily.

            “Sorry, I couldn’t sleep.” She excused herself and forced her eyes to look anywhere else but at him.

            “S’fine just…go to sleep.” James mumbled and pulled more of the covers around him.

            “I can’t.” She sighed and shifted over onto her back.

            James realized he wasn’t going to get any sleep unless she fell asleep so he propped himself up on his elbow to look at her. He figured he could get her to sleep and then he’d be free to get the rest he needed to endure another day knowing he was engaged to marry Nat. He had yet to talk to his ‘illegal’ girlfriend about the arrangement and every time he thought about it he felt sick with anxiety. “What’s keeping you up?” He asked glancing down at her.

            “I don’t know.” Natasha replied. “I just…I’m thinking so much it’s keeping me awake.” She stared up at the ceiling.

            “What are you thinking about then?” James rubbed his tired eyes.

            “You.” Natasha admitted honestly. If he wanted to talk to her then she wasn’t going to hide anything from him about what she was thinking.

            “Me?” James looked surprised. “Why me?”

            “Because I feel like there’s another side of you that you’re keeping hidden from me,” Natasha told him and turned her cheek slightly to look at him. “There’s a part of you that _is_ kind and loving, but for some reason you keep it locked away.”

            “That’s ridiculous, Natasha you’re just dreaming…”

            “Well you couldn’t have been this way as a child.” She interrupted him. “We all still have a piece of our childhood innocence and love inside of us. It comes out when we care for someone. You must have that too.”

            James thought for a moment. Maybe he was being too hard on her. He looked at her and it wasn’t like he was looking into the eyes of the devil. She was beautiful with soft green eyes, an ivory complexion, and rich red curls that fell over her shoulders. He felt there was a misdirection of his anger about the marriage. “They used to call me Bucky.” He said to her. It was something he never told anyone who hadn’t known him as a child. His own girlfriend didn’t know.

            “Bucky?” A small smile tugged at Natasha’s lips. “Why did they call you that?” She asked curiously.

            “My middle name is Buchanan so I guess someone was clever.” James rolled his eyes. “But…if you ask my mother I was the most rambunctious child. I used to run off and she’d have to search for me for hours. I’d hide from my maids and prank my father too.”

            Natasha giggled. “You and I would’ve been friends then.” She said. “I was the exact same way. Finding all the best hiding spots from my mother and nurse.”

            A small smile formed on James’s lips. “Didn’t you just want adventure? Something different from the stuffy lifestyle you were born into?” He asked.

            “Exactly!” Natasha sat up and nodded in agreement. “I always wanted to travel. When I first heard of America I knew I wanted to be there. I wanted to get away from Russia and Europe. I wanted to see the excitement of America where there is no royalty, only people.” She suddenly told him her deepest secret that no one had ever heard before.

            “Me too!” James said with a smile. “It seemed so exciting…and honestly it still does. I kept asking my parents to go but they were always too busy.”

            A thought formed in Natasha’s head. “Let’s go together.” She said in whispered excitement.

            “America?” James looked concerned. “I guess after we get married…”

            “No, before then! When we’re still free and can do whatever we want.” Natasha explained. “We can find a ship to take over there.”

            “I can’t disobey my parents…”

            “Where’s that side of you that always disobeyed your parents?” Natasha coaxed. “C’mon, just a trip. One last period of time where you can run and hide from everything so you can be free and just live.” She painted a beautiful picture to him.

            James nodded slowly. “Alright…we’ll go.” He decided.

            Natasha grinned. “I knew I liked something about you.” She teased.

            “Oh please, you like more than just one thing about me.” James rolled his eyes playfully at her.

            “Maybe I do… Natasha flopped back into the bed and closed her eyes. “Goodnight Bucky.”

            James rolled his eyes again. “Don’t make me regret telling you that.” He warned but she didn’t respond. He just smiled and fell back asleep next to her.


	8. Chapter 8

            About a week later, James walked into the estate after going into the nearby city. Natasha was taking afternoon tea with Elizabeth and Walter. She glanced up when her fiancée walked into the sunroom.  
            “James, what kept you?” Elizabeth asked curiously.  
            “I was getting a gift for Natasha.” James replied a bit breathlessly. He felt giddy with his new purchase and couldn't wait to tell her and his parents  
            “Oh.” Elizabeth smiled and looked over at Natasha. “I pointed him out to a beautiful jeweler…” She told her.  
            Natasha looked surprised at James wondering if it was true that he’d gotten her jewelry. Not that she really wanted anything but the thought was nice. Her answer came quickly. “It’s not jewelry.” James said and pulled out the voucher holding the two tickets for a boat to America. He held it up to show her.  
            Natasha’s heart skipped a beat and she felt like jumping up and hugging him but she contained herself and stayed sitting. “Are those…?” She gave him a questioning look. She didn't want to be let down so quickly.  
            James nodded, his blue-gray eyes less icy were suddenly more bright and welcoming as they shared the excited looks. “Mom, dad,” he turned to his parents, “Nat and I decided to go to America for a few weeks.” He told them.  
            Elizabeth immediately looked at her husband and Walter shook his head. “James…why did you do this before talking to us first?” He asked sternly.   
            “Dad I…”  
            “You two are to be married very soon. You have no time to plan and go on a trip so far away!” Elizabeth exclaimed. “Perhaps you can go to London for a weekend. That is far more reasonable than going an ocean over.” She suggested.  
            “No, mom we want to go somewhere new to explore. London is…too close.” James stood up for Natasha as their dreams were chipped away at. He wouldn't back down that easily.  
            “We have to get plans for the wedding in order and we need you both here. You cannot leave now.” Elizabeth said firmly. “Either take a short trip to London or you will not go anywhere else.”  
            Natasha’s sad eyes looked over at James, not knowing what to do. She didn’t want to argue with her in-laws-to-be but she desperately wanted to go to America.  
            James sighed. He knew there was no arguing with his parents when it came to his marriage to Natasha. They’d been over that several times. “Very well then.” He pocketed the tickets. “Maybe we will go to London this weekend.” He said firmly.  
            “I’m sure it’ll be a lovely time.” Elizabeth replied back a bit tensely.  
   
   
            Natasha felt like crying as she walked back to the room to get ready for dinner that evening. The only people who could probably make them come true dashed all her hopes and dreams. She wrapped her arms around herself and turned into James’s room. That’s when she was surprised to see him packing suitcases. “What are you doing?” She asked curiously when she saw her suitcases and some dresses were out on the bed as well.  
            “Didn’t you hear?” James didn’t look up from his work. “We’re going on a trip this weekend.”  He replied.  
            “It’s only to London, we won’t need all that.” Natasha shook her head. She wasn’t one of those girls who changed five times a day. She would only need a bag for a weekend in the city.  
            “Oh I didn’t say we were going to London.” James slowly glanced up at her with a sly look and a wink.  
            It quickly dawned on Natasha and her stomach twisted up in thrilled knots. “We’re…but…what do you mean?” She wanted to confirm that her dreams were back in business.   
            “We’re going to America whether my parents like it or not.” James told her. “They can make us marry each other when we get back home but we’re going on that trip before they do so.”  
            “Really?” Natasha whispered and covered her mouth with her hands in shock. The excited gleam in her eyes returned.  
            James nodded. “I said we were going, didn’t I? I'm not going to break a promise that easily, besides I already bought the tickets. Can't let those go to waste.”  
            Natasha ran across the room and practically jumped into his arms. “Thank you so much.” She said happily almost in tears. He was finally giving her something  _happy_  to cry about.   
            He was taken aback a bit but slowly wrapped his arms around her. “You’re welcome…you deserve it. I know this isn’t the life you wanted so if I can give you one last trip maybe that’ll make up for it.”  
            Natasha just kept hugging him close not realizing this was one of their first intimate embraces. “It means so much to me.” She said. “Thank you.”  
            James felt a sense of accomplishment by making her so happy. Was that how husbands-to-be were supposed to feel? Was that his new job, to make this girl happy? He supposed it was and James realized he was already pretty damn good at it. 


	9. Chapter 9

            “Will your parents be upset?” Natasha asked as they stood at the docks. The large ship that would carry them to America was already waiting for them to board.  
            James shrugged. “I don’t mind. I feel like I’m old enough to make my own decisions. They shouldn't be able to control me so I'll go behind their back until they see it my way."   
            “I feel the same way.” Natasha sighed. She thought of her parents, who she hadn't seen in weeks. “I just wish I had a say in this whole marriage thing.”  
            “You and me both.” James muttered. He scanned the crowd of passengers without much interest His eyes lit up though when he saw someone in the crowd coming towards them.  
            “James!” A young woman pushed through the throng of people to jump into Natasha’s fiancée’s arms. He easily scooped her up and spun her around, ending the spectacle with a long kiss.  
            Natasha was a little shocked, taken aback at the sight. Something evil seeped into her tissue and began to flow through her blood. Why was there a girl hugging and kissing the man  _she_ was marrying? Natasha cleared her throat for an explanation, pointedly looking at him.  
            James glanced over at the person who had disappeared from his mind for a few seconds. “Oh uh…Nat this is Emily.” He introduced weakly. “Emily, this is Nat. She’s accompanying me to America.”  
            “Pleasure to meet you.” Emily said curtly. “So you’re bringing another woman with you but you can’t bring me?” She pouted.  
            “She’s my cousin, no frets. My mother wanted me to have someone with me and they would be suspicious if I bought a third ticket, right?” James said in a soothing voice.  
            Natasha’s jaw almost fell open. Cousin? The ship’s first class was announced and she tore James away from the girl. He struggled a bit but allowed her to tug him along. He and Emily waved to each other, the younger woman blowing kisses to him.  
   
            Once the cabin door was shut, Natasha slapped him.  
            “Ow, what the hell? I thought we agreed to stop hurting each other!” James exclaimed.  
            “Your cousin!? You must be joking!” Natasha demanded. “Who was she? Why were you kissing her? And why did you lie to her?”  
            James smirked. “What’s it to you? Are you jealous?” He asked as he pulled their trunks into the lavish first class cabin, setting them down on the oak wood floor.  
            “Of her?" Natasha scoffed with an eye roll. "Absolutely not, that's ridiculous. But you seem to forget that we’ll be married the second we return home!” She cried like he couldn't hear a word she was saying. “You can’t just be running around the city with a…a…”  
            “A what?” Bucky gave her a harsh look. “So she might not be as rich as my family but she’s nice. Doesn’t that account for anything anymore?” He scoffed.  
            “James, I don’t want to marry you but I have to. I will uphold all my vows and you must as well.” Natasha crossed her arms over her chest.  
            “I don’t have to. They won’t mean anything to me.” He rolled his eyes and sat down on a couch in the small parlor connected to the bedroom. “You can do whatever you want but that doesn’t mean I have to.”  
            “So…so you’re just going to continue having a relationship with her even when we’re married?” Natasha was flustered beyond belief.  _You shouldn’t care, he can do whatever he wants, he’s the man and you don’t even love him!_ Natasha didn’t listen to her inner thoughts though. She believed that wedding vows were sacred no matter what.  
            “Uh, sure whatever.” James shrugged. “It shouldn’t matter to you though. I’ll be out of your hair even more if I’m with her, right? Calm down, you're overreacting.”  
            “But you…but…go to hell James Barnes!” Natasha yelled and left the cabin with a huff. She slammed the door and stormed down the corridor.  
            James sat up a little shocked at her reaction to Emily. He thought she would’ve been happy that he had a woman on the side of their ‘relationship’. It would mean she didn’t have to pretend to love him when they were alone…right? They would have an understanding that he loved someone else and was simply in a civil arrangement with her. There would only be lies to the public.  
            Natasha kept walking furiously to the open decks. The cool sea air calmed her a little bit but her mind was racing madly. “I don’t love him…I don’t…he can do whatever he wants.” She said under her breath. “Let him do as much wrong as he wants to, you can stay strong and be the good person that you are. It doesn’t mean anything to you.” None of the assuring words helped. She groaned and rested her forehead on her arms. She felt tears sting her eyes. She couldn’t get the sight out of her head, him holding that Emily girl so intimately, kissing her, looking at her like she was the only thing in the world. Natasha was so envious it made her want to throw up. No matter if she wanted James to do that to her but she craved love. She wanted a man to hold her like that, kiss her that way, and look at her like she was the only thing that ever mattered in the existence of humans. Instead she had to marry James who only had love for Emily. Natasha felt trapped even though she was sailing on the open seas to the country of freedom.  
 


	10. Chapter 10

            Natasha wouldn’t talk to James for the four days that it took to cross the Atlantic Ocean. James tried to talk to her but all he got was a glare and the cold shoulder. He felt a little bad but didn’t feel like he owed his fiancée an apology. He figured she would’ve found out eventually so why was it such a surprise to her? He honestly thought she wouldn’t react so strongly but he was damn wrong.  
            Finally they walked down the steps into a foreign country. The port was bustling with people from every social class and from nearly every country around the world. James guided Natasha through the sea of people with a hand under her elbow. She only pulled away when they reached the car that would take them to their hotel. “Don’t touch me again.” They were the first words she said to him in less than a week. She got into the car and sat down with a huff.  
            James sighed and got in as well. “As you wish.”  
   
            The grand hotel was the unrivaled example of the American wealth that was booming in that era. Chandeliers covered the ceilings and everything seemed to be a fantastic shade of gold and red. Every step Natasha took sent her further into a dreamlike state. It was grander than any estate owned by the Russian elite she’d ever seen. She wondered if the American celebrities really stayed there like she'd heard. The men and women who were like royalty but were born from nothing and brought into the spotlight. When she was living in Russia, Natasha had received a newspaper, a rare one from London. It documented the lives of these people who wore long, glittering gowns, tuxedos black as night, and jewelry that could buy a house. It made Natasha a little jealous even though she was born of noble blood she was never showered in the gifts these stars had been. Well, until now, she realized as she looked around the lobby of the hotel.   
            As Clint checked in at the front desk and bellhop approached Natasha. He was tall and handsome with blond hair and honest green eyes. He gave her a smile and a slight bow of the head. “May I take your luggage, miss?” He asked in the strange American accent that Natasha had never heard before.  
            “Oh…well yes please.” Natasha’s own words sounded suddenly odd. She let him take the trunks that James hadn’t even bothered to offer to take for her. “Thank you very much.”  
            “It’s my pleasure Miss…”  
            “Romanoff.” Natasha smiled. “Natasha Romanoff.”  
            “Miss Romanoff.” The young man nodded and smiled back. He could tell she was from another country. “My name is Sam if you need anything. Welcome to the Astoria, and to New York.” He said in such a genuine voice Natasha could sense every bone in her body felt welcome.  
            “Thank you, Sam.” Natasha said softly. She couldn’t take her eyes off of his. It wasn’t until James interrupted them did she look away with a blush.  
            “We have the key.” He said in a cold voice. His steel eyes locked on the young bellhop. “Come on.” He reached for Natasha’s wrist but she gave him a look that said ‘ _remember the last time you did that?’_ James sighed and started to walk towards the elevators hoping she would follow.  
            Natasha did after giving Sam a sympathetic look. The poor boy looked confused and even slightly heartbroken. She boarded the elevator, one of the first ones she’d ever been on. She wasn’t concerned about it though; there were more important matters to discuss.  
            James beat her to it though. “What the hell was that about?” He ignored the elevator operator who asked what floor they were going to.  
            “Ten.” Natasha answered the man’s question and glared at James. “What do you mean? I thought we were okay with each other having different love interests?” Her voice immediately went on the defense.  
            “Oh so you’re in love with a bellhop now?” James asked sarcastically with an added eye roll.  
            “I’m not in love with him.” Natasha’s cheeks went almost as red as the carpeting of the hotel. “But if I was you would have no problem with it wouldn’t you?” She challenged.  
            James looked stuck between a rock and a hard place. He wanted nothing more than to be with Emily and Emily alone but if he were to be Natasha’s husband than he wouldn’t stay faithful. It didn’t bother him because he  _knew_ he didn’t love her. But when  _she_ talked about being unfaithful it set off a nerve in him. “Absolutely not.” He said through gritted teeth. “You can do whatever you wish.”  
            Natasha gave him a haughty look as the elevator doors opened. “I’m glad we’re on the same page.” It pleased her to see him so upset at what she said. She got off the elevator thanking the operator.  
            James stalked off after her without a word. “I hope you’re satisfied with yourself.” He growled.  
            “Oh I am.” Natasha smirked. “I’m sure you’ll have a lot of fun with Emily but she’s not here is she?” She sighed in faux innocence. “Fortunately for me Sam said if I needed anything he’s just downstairs. I’m sure he’s being honest about  _anything._ ”  
            James was too angry to make a comment so he just pushed past her and unlocked the door with the only key. She was about to follow him but the door quickly swung shut.  
            Natasha’s eyes widened and she banged on the door. “Let me in!” She commanded.  
            “Not until you clean up your act.” James replied from the other side. “I don’t think your family would like to know that you’re fraternizing with a lower class. But I’d be happy to send them a message.” He threatened.  
            Natasha made a frustrated noise and kicked the door. “You bastard!” She yelled. “Open this damn door or I swear to God…” She continued to rattle off every swear word she knew including the ones in Russian.  
            James didn’t listen though and the door remained closed. 


	11. Chapter 11

            Natasha was still sitting down outside of the hotel room door. She rested against the wall and closed her eyes. Having yelled for almost twenty minutes she’d exhausted herself but was still idly kicking the door with her heels. She hoped the monotonous pounding would drive him crazy. Unfortunately James had gone into another room to drown out the noise.

            After awhile several complaints were made from surrounding rooms and Sam was sent up to the floor. “Miss Romanoff, are you all right?” He asked as he observed her sitting on the floor still kicking the door.

            Natasha was so tired she could hardly contain her sarcasm. “Just fine, thank you Sam.” She said.

            Sam had only met her but he didn’t like the way she said that to him. He got a lot of grief from the rich customers that visited and although he was a poor boy from Queens he decided he deserved respect. And he thought Natasha was different from the regular clientele. “Oh…right.”

            Natasha saw the betrayal in his eyes and she sighed. “Sorry, my _fiancée_ ,” she said the word loudly and nailed the door again with her left shoe, “won’t let me in the room.”

            “Oh that’s no problem, I can open the door.” Sam said simply. He dug through his pocket to find a ring of keys. “We typically hold the keys to the honeymoon suite just in case something is called in.”

            “The honeymoon suite?” Natasha had no idea that’s the room James had gotten for them.

            “Yes ma’am.” Sam nodded and held out a hand to her.

            She took his hand but was still thinking about the label even though James probably didn’t care. “Thank you.”

            Sam just nodded again and opened the door for her. “If you need anything else just…” He was about to tell her the same thing he did in the lobby but Natasha interrupted him.

            “Maybe you could show me around the city one day.” Natasha said quickly. She swallowed and looked down.

            “Aren’t you…” Sam pointed silently into the room where James was sulking somewhere.

            “Yes but he’s just as unfaithful as I plan to be.” Natasha said confidently. “So, a nice place to have fun?” She shrugged.

            Sam was doubtful about the rich guy in the suite but he couldn’t deny Natasha’s green eyes. “Yeah, yeah sure I’m off tomorrow morning, I could come meet you in the lobby?” He suggested.

            “Sure.” Natasha smiled and went into the room when she heard a door from inside close. “Thank you, Sam.” She shut the door.

            “Date with the bellhop?”

            Natasha jumped when she heard James’s voice right behind her. “No…he was kind enough to show me a few places around the city. Native people are better than maps…”

            James rolled his eyes and took a step towards her. “I’m not deaf or blind, Natasha, how dumb do you think I am?”

            “I will not fight with you about this anymore.” Natasha tried to get past him but he wouldn’t move from the doorway.

            “Emily was none of your business and you have to forget about her. You are going to remain faithful.” James told her firmly. “It’s not up for discussion.”

            “Will you forget about her?” Natasha demanded. “Are you going to remain faithful?” She didn’t let him answer. “Of course you won’t. You’re a dirty liar and I would be surprised if you could walk into the church without bursting up in flames.” She hissed.

            “Then I guess you’ll burn with me, you’ll have Sam to thank for that.” Bucky bent down to get eye to eye with her. “And won’t that be a good thing? We won’t even have to get married.”

            “Excellent.” Natasha spat back at him. “I can’t wait.”

            James was silent for a moment, fuming to himself as he glared at her. Then he took another step towards her and kissed her fiercely.

            At first Natasha didn’t fight back. He took her face in his hands and she sloppily tangled a hand in his hair. For their first kiss it was nothing shy of intense and full of negative emotions. She figured their first kiss would be at the wedding and it would be distant and empty of love. But now she was faced with something burning and desperate. There was no love…not yet.

            Finally, Natasha shoved him away, with their breathing uneven and ragged. She swallowed and had a hard time looking him the eyes. “You can’t have us both like that.” She said quietly but firmly. “You can’t kiss her and then kiss me.”

            “I know.” James muttered not sure what came over him.

            “Then choose, I won’t wait for your answer.” Natasha informed him and moved past him to freshen up.


	12. Chapter 12

            “We’re going out to dinner, please be ready by six.” James and Natasha had been quiet towards each other for the rest of the day.  
            “I’m not going out to dinner with you, I’ll be going out with Sam.” Natasha informed him. She passed by him and knelt down to look through her suitcase to find a nice dress to wear but nothing too fancy. She’d left her gowns in the closet where they would hopefully stay.  
            “No you won’t.” James rolled his eyes. "Natasha, please." He wouldn’t take her seriously when she was talking about the bellhop.  
            “Yes I am!” Natasha shot back almost childishly.   
            “We are supposed to have dinner with a few business friends of mine and they’re expecting to meet you. You’re coming with me, it’s not up for negotiation.” James replied steadily.  
            Natasha stood up and glared at him. “You have no right…” She stepped towards him but he grabbed her by the wrist. “Let go.” She spat. "I warned you..."   
            He didn't want to heard the spiel again. “Listen to me.” Bucky’s stable demeanor didn’t shift. He didn’t seem angry or upset with her. “Just one night, please do this for me.” It was probably the closest she’d seen him to begging.  
            Natasha swallowed. She considered saying she would but then she remembered that he’d locked her out of the room. She shook her head. “I already promised I would go dancing with him.”  
            “Go later, just come for dinner first.” James tried to bargain. He knew how headstrong they both were and compromise was probably their only solution to anything.   
            “I…I suppose I could.” Natasha bit her lip. He was actually being reasonable and it was starting to sway her decision. “As long as you promise to be nicer.” She decided to make her own conditions. “No more locking me out, grabbing me, and just…be nicer.”  
            James’s grip on her wrist slackened. “Fine.” He gave in. “Wear the blue dress.” He said and went to shave in the bathroom.  
            “I’m going to wear the red one.” Natasha told him. “You’re not telling me what to wear either.” She went over to the closet and took out the red silk gown.  
            James sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Fine.” He muttered again. “It’ll sure match your personality better.” He added under his breath.  
   
            James waited for Natasha to get ready down in the lobby. In reality he was trying to give Natasha her space and to see if the bellhop was around. Eventually, the blonde haired Sam turned up. He wasn’t wearing his uniform so James assumed he came just to pick up Natasha. James gestured for him to come over.  
            Sam looked a little confused but then recognized James when he really looked closely at the man.  “Yes sir?”  
            “Could you do something for me?” James asked not sounding the least bit angry.  
            “I’m actually not working right now…maybe I could get someone…” Sam suggested but James shook his head, to interrupt him.  
            “It’s only something  _you_  could do.” He explained. “It’s really simple. Tell Natasha that you’re not going out with her tonight or any other night.”  
            Sam knew it was unwise to argue with a wealthy client of the hotel. “Look, fella, I don’t want to cross you but she’s the one who asked me.” He tried to defend himself.  
            “I understand but you said yes. You can take that back and you will.” James’s gray eyes darkened. “I knew it’s hard to accept but I love her.”  
            “Is that how you show her you love her? By locking her out of the room.” Sam stuck up for Natasha.  
            James stood up. “You have no place to question it.”  
            “Yeah, well there she is, why don’t you tell her you love her?” Sam pointed over James’s shoulder. “If you do, I’ll never say a word to her again.”  
            James turned around and he felt like his heart was stuck in his throat. Natasha was walking down the grand, sweeping staircase, the red gown trailed behind her, and her hair was braided and twisted into an intricate bun. She looked up and met James’s gaze. Her cheeks flushed pink and she stared at her feet as she stepped off the last step.  
            Natasha walked up to the two men. “What are you talking about?” She asked quietly.  
            “He has something surprising to say to you.” Sam spoke up before James could pull her away from the conversation. “Don’t you?”  
            James swallowed. “Uh…”  
            Natasha smiled slightly at him. “Yes?” She asked. She hoped he was taking on his new role of being nice to her like he’d promised.  
            The words were on his tongue but there was something stopping him. It wasn’t Emily anymore; he knew deep down he wasn’t in love with her. But James knew he loved Natasha. It sounded strange even to him but he instinctually had started to care for her. He wasn’t going to let her go out into an unfamiliar city alone with a stranger. But James was afraid of Natasha rejecting him. He was sure she didn’t love him, why should she? He was horrible to her so many times. James was scared, so scared he could only say, “You look beautiful.”  
            Natasha smiled and blushed a bit more. “Thank you, that’s very nice.” She said acknowledging his effort to be kinder. She had no idea what James wanted to say. "You look very handsome yourself."   
            “We should go.” James said quickly. He forgot to thank her because he wanted to get away from the bellhop. “We’ll be late.”  
            Natasha looked at Sam with a sympathetic smile. “I have to go out to dinner but I’ll be back, can we go dancing later?” She asked.  
            Sam gave James a side look. “Yeah sure, I’ll see you here later.” He confirmed.  
            James ground his teeth and glared at him. He knew it wasn’t over and he sure as hell wasn’t going to let him win.  


	13. Chapter 13

            Natasha proved to be a better socialite than James thought she would be. The rebellion she showed him was completely hidden during the dinner and she made herself out to be the perfect fiancée society would most definitely approve.

            James’s American friends were keen to tell him that once the night was winding down. “You’ve landed yourself a fair catch, Barnes.” Thomas told him. “If she wasn’t engaged to you I would surely ask her for a dance.”

            Natasha blushed and smiled. James smiled politely. “Thank you.” He didn’t add anything to their praises though. That’s why when they were going to leave; Thomas stopped him for a second. Another one of James’s friends helped Natasha retrieve her coat.

            “I’m not blind, it’s obvious you didn’t seek her out.”

            James pretended to look surprised. “Oh no…we fell in love pretty quickly when we met and I guess…” He stopped when he realized he wasn’t fooling anyone. “I wasn’t even looking to get married.” He muttered.

            “Arranged or not, you got pretty lucky.” Thomas told him honestly. “You could have someone much worse. If you’re directing your anger towards her you need to stop. You’re not mad at her, you’re mad at your parents for forcing you into marriage. I know you well enough, Bucky.”

            James rolled his eyes. “Please don’t call me that in public.” He pled.

            “As long as I’m invited to the wedding and I see a happy relationship, not a fake one.” Thomas replied. “I’m serious.”

            “Yeah I know.” James sighed and looked across the room at Natasha. Her smile seemed to brighten up everything as she laughed with his associates. Knowing she’d be dancing with another man made him…jealous? “What if she doesn’t feel the same way back? She doesn’t exactly think I’m a great person.”

            “Show her that you can be.” Thomas urged. “The only thing you can do is try.” He pointed out. “So try.”

 

            “Bye!” Natasha smiled and waved to James’s friends. “They’re so kind.” She said as she walked arm in arm with James.

            “Yeah they’re…something.” James bit his lip when he realized it was the first time he was escorting her down the street. “Natasha…”

            “Hm?” She continued to look forward as they walked. She was still taking in all of the new sights around her.

            “Can I take you out?” He asked quietly.

            “You just did, silly. Remember, we went just went to dinner.” Natasha teased him like he was her brother. It made his stomach sink even further.

            “No, I mean again…I’d like to take you dancing.” James told her his thoughts as they flowed out haphazardly.

            Natasha looked over at him in alarm. “What? I…I was going out with Sam to go dancing.” She reminded him. She couldn’t fathom why he was asking her the question.

            James stopped and took both her hands in his. “Please? Just come out with me instead, you don’t need to go out with him.”

            “I already promised…it’s bad enough I made him wait by coming to the dinner.” Natasha pointed out to him. “I’m sorry but I told you…” Her voice was softer because he was being sweeter to her that night. She wouldn’t be swayed though.

            “This is all about Emily isn’t it?” James asked. Her eyes wouldn’t look at him. “Natasha…”

            “No, James, I have a right to be upset!” Natasha stomped her foot. “You can’t use me like a-a toy. I’m not just here to be your thing to show off when you want to but just drop me when you want to go have an affair.” She snapped.

            “That’s my point, I’m not going to!” James raised his voice. Natasha looked up at him in shock. He took a deep breath. “I’m not going to do that. I’ll tell Emily it’s off and I’ll work things out with you.”

            Natasha felt like she’d lost the ability to breathe. She stared at him for a good moment or so. “Are you serious?” She asked.

            James nodded. “I am more than serious. I…I was going to tell you earlier that…you’re beautiful of course. But…” His cool demeanor was being broken down by his raw, untouched feelings for Natasha.

            Natasha let go of one of his hands and rested it on his cheek. “But what?” She asked quietly. She could see the internal battle happening inside of him.

            “But I was going to say that I love you.” James finally got out. The fear of her rejecting him was more than real but he couldn’t hide it anymore. He had just bore his heart to her and there was no going back. He couldn’t take back the words.

            Natasha’s green eyes filled up with tears when she started to process what he was saying. And it wasn’t the reaction James was hoping for.

            “Oh damn it, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry.” James groaned. He suddenly felt terrible. “Sorry, I-I didn’t mean to…look I’ll bring you to go out with Sam. It’s okay if you want to.”

            Natasha just laughed through her tears. She used her free hands to hit his chest gently. “You’re the most infuriating, stupid, arrogant man I’ve ever met.”

            James was confused. “Why are you laughing and crying?” He asked. “Are you alright?”

            Natasha wiped her eyes and shook her head. “I’m sorry I don’t want to confuse you. I just…this is all really overwhelming.” She admitted. “Look…James you might be aggravating but you’ve always made me so…attracted to you. And I hated myself for falling for you even though I knew I would be married to you. But now you’re saying you love me…and I just…I’m wondering if everything’s going to work out.” She said shakily.

            James studied her face. “So…you’re okay with me saying that I…I love you?” He asked.

            “Of course.” Natasha smiled. “James Barnes we’re going to be married soon and if we actually love each other than think about how much better our lives will be. I don’t want to constantly argue with you.”

            James smiled slowly. “You love me too?” He asked.

            “I-I don’t know yet. There’s something there but…I need to make sure you won’t break my heart.” Natasha said seriously. “We need to get to know each other better.”

            “Of course, I can do that.” James nodded enthusiastically. “Anything you want to know about me I’ll tell you.”

            Natasha giggled. She’d never seen him so bright and lit up like a child on Christmas. “We don’t need to rush it, we can take our time.” She assured him gently. “But for now…would you kiss me again?” She whispered.

            “You liked me kissing you?” James asked. He figured she’d hated it and never would want to kiss him again.

            “It was pretty intense and I was definitely angry at you but…you are a good kisser.” Natasha blushed a deep red. She bit her lip and glanced down at the sidewalk.

            James put two fingers under her chin to make her look up at him. He didn’t say anything, he just kissed her softer than he had before.


	14. Chapter 14

            For the moment, Natasha was a little caught off guard when he first asked. “I’m sorry, you want to what?” She asked. It was the week after their dinner together. They’d spent the days together talking through a few things they thought they should tell the other, seeing the New York sites, and kissing. They’d tried it out for longer and longer periods of time until they were out of breath and pushing away from each other so they wouldn’t go any farther. Then they’d curl up together in bed, Natasha whispering sweet Russian things to him that he didn’t understand. Most of them were that she loved him. But she wouldn’t say it in English yet because then he would understand and there was the fear of rejection still. Her insecurities that traced back to Emily.

 

            “Sorry if I’m coming on the wrong way.” James apologized, his cheeks turning a bit red. “But I figured…eventually you know if we get married we’ll have to get used to each other.” He tried to explain his reasoning for asking.

            “But I’ve never…I’m….I’m waiting until you know.” Natasha stammered nervously.

            “As you should…or whatever you choose.” James felt like he was floundering in front of her. “I understand what you mean but I didn’t mean we should…no I just meant if you would like to join me…” He sighed in defeat. “You know what, never mind.” He mumbled embarrassedly and slunk into the bathroom.

            “James…” Natasha followed him. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for it to come off that way. I just…no man has ever seen me…”

            “It’s fine, Nat, you don’t have to apologize. I wouldn’t force you into anything.” James assured her.

            “You don’t have to force me into anything.” Natasha told him. “Just give me a minute to get ready.” She went back into the room to undress and put a silk robe on. Her stomach was in knots and she felt giddy and excited but nervous as well. What if she looked strange to him? What if he thought she was repulsive? But on the other hand, he wanted to get more comfortable with her; he wanted to try to make the relationship work. She swallowed and walked into the bathroom.

            James was already in the tub and looked over when he saw the door being nudged open. He cleared his throat and sat up a little straighter. “Natasha if you don’t want to…”

            Natasha just waved him up and undid the tie of the robe to let it drop to the floor. She tried not to notice how James stared and stepped into the tub. The warm water instantly soothed her even at the touch of her toes. She sank back and rested on James’s chest, her neck rolling back to lean her head on his shoulder. She closed her eyes and let out a long held in sigh. It felt incredible being in the warm water, her back feeling the warmth radiating from James. For a moment she could forget all the animosity she had towards him. In that second she was at peace in his arms.

            “You’re so beautiful.” James whispered into her ear and gently left a kiss on her temple. He watched how her fiery red hair partly sunk into the water, the ends waving along in the water with the motion of their combined breathing. James wrapped his arms around her waist, lacing his fingers with hers. “You’re so beautiful.” He said again just to hear it out loud, just to know that he could say it.

            Natasha hummed softly, her pink lips turning up in a slight smile. Her emerald green eyes opened and she looked up at him. “Can we stay here forever?” She murmured.

            “The water will get cold soon…” James reminded her. He was lost in a bit of a haze but could still think of some logic.

            “Then we’ll drain the tub and fill it up with more warm water.” Natasha said and closed her eyes again. “Just promise me that we can stay here forever.”

            “You can stay in my arms forever.” James promised her.

 

            After almost an hour lounging in the tub together, saying a few things, James leaving brief kisses on her cheeks, eyelids, temple, and forehead, and Natasha’s thumb rubbing over his wrist lazily, the water got icy cold. James picked her up out of the tub and helped her dry off. Natasha felt like a princess the way he held her. She put on the robe again and let him carry her to the bed. Her eyes started to close sleepily as he tucked them both under the covers and he pulled her up against his chest again. Natasha was surrounded in warmth again and she couldn’t keep her eyes open. But she still listened to his heart and took his hand in his. “Я люблю тебя всем сердцем.” She whispered to him. James didn’t understand but from the way she said it, he knew it was something sweet or kind. _I love you with all my heart._


	15. Chapter 15

            “Do you know why your family moved to England?” James walked, through Central Park, escorting Natasha on his arm.  
            Natasha strolled leisurely using a parasol to shield away the sun. She nodded. “The Revolutions were becoming too much for the upper classes.” She said. She didn’t mind talking about it, she felt like it was a gift for allowing her to explore the world even if it meant leaving her home behind.   
            “Your family wasn’t affected by them?” James asked curiously. He’d read news about the revolutions but of course didn’t know first hand.  
            “I don’t believe so.” Natasha shrugged. “My family would keep most of it from me even if we were. They didn’t think it was proper for a lady to know about the news.”  
            “You are educated though.” James replied. “I mean, you’re bilingual, you can debate anything, and you’re interested in the world.” He pointed out to her.  
            Natasha looked over at him with a grateful smile. “I didn’t say I listened to them.” She said slyly. "I could still get my hands on newspapers every so often."   
            James chuckled. “Well, I’m not surprised. You’re not one to accept something you don’t want. I should know that first-hand.”  
            Natasha knew what he was talking about instantly. “Look, as long as you’re nice to me now I think we can work this out.” She said with a small smile. “But you’re right, at first I was reluctant to marry you because I was being forced to.”  
            “So…” James mind whirred. “If we hadn’t met like we had, maybe you met me by chance…” He looked over at her to finish his thought.  
            Natasha blushed and looked down at the pavement as they walked along. “Then maybe we wouldn’t have had so many troubles at the beginning.” She admitted. “But we didn’t and frankly I think the story we have now will be entertaining to our children.” Natasha realized she’d said the wrong thing just after it slipped out.  
            “Our children?” James was extremely surprised that she’d mentioned the idea of having kids. But he could see her cheeks turning red and decided not to make her feel embarrassed for something like that. “My dear Natasha, we haven’t even gotten married yet. You’re not fixing to make a scandal out of me are you?” He tsked playfully.   
            Natasha giggled softly. “No, I’m sorry I don’t know why I said that, it just came out." She tried to hide her blushing face.   
            “It’s perfectly reasonable, we'll be married the second we get back and they'll expect a baby in nine months. But I’d rather not have my face splashed all over the headlines. ‘Barnes son lies, flees to America and brings back pregnant fiancée.” He chuckled. “My parents would surely have a heart attack.”    
            “Well, then I wouldn’t want to hurt them. Your parents are lovely people.” Natasha said gently. “Much better than my parents.” She sighed at the thought of her mother and father who she hadn't seen in weeks.   
            “I thought they were nice…in the brief moments I met them of course.” James couldn’t really recall Natasha’s parents though because he was so upset about the news he’d gotten at their house.  
            “They’re nice and respectable…” Natasha bit her lip. “I don’t want to talk ill about my parents but there were times in my life that they’ve been distant.” She shrugged. “But never cruel.” She added just to save face for them.   
            “Right…of course.” James looked down. He felt terrible that Natasha felt neglected by her own family members in a foreign land. “Well, my parents are yours now too.” He pointed out.  
            Natasha smiled sadly. “Thank you, James.” She said back. “That’s very kind for you to say.” She couldn't put into words how much he made her feel welcome. At first of course he would had much rather shutting her out. But once they overcame their differences and grudges, James seemed to want to keep her as close as he possibly could. It made her feel adored and well cared for. 

 

  
            James found a park bench for them to sit down and watch the squirrels hop around the emerald green grass and the pigeons pecking at the path. Natasha sat close to him and set the parasol down to soak up some of the warm rays. James wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “Do you like children?” He asked.  
            Natasha nodded. “I do.” She smiled. “I always wanted a younger sibling to care for but I was left an only child.” She sighed. “How about you?” She asked glancing over at him.  
            “I don’t really know.” James admitted. “I’m not experienced in child care, I was the only child in the family too.” He stretched his legs and rested a hand on his thigh.  
            “Not many men are as experienced as women are expected to be." She nodded in understanding. "But I know that when a man becomes a father, in many cases, there’s an instant connection to the baby. Fathers learn how to care for a child as he or she grows.” Natasha said gently. "But no parent is perfect, you have to believe that too."   
            James’s gray eyes fixed on her. The sunlight warmed the typically icy color and made his eyes look like warm silver. “You think I could be a good father?” He asked quietly. He'd never thought about it before but the first idea was that he wouldn't be. Like Natasha said before he was overbearing sometimes and could be dismissive. Those qualities didn't make a good father, he knew that at least.   
            “I’m sure of it.” Natasha smiled.  “I know you have a soft spot in you, James Barnes, and if we have children I’m sure it would come out permanently.”  
            “I think it already came out for you, Miss Romanoff.” He replied with a smile and pressed a soft kiss to her cheek. “So thank you for making me a better man.”   
        "I didn't do anything, you did it yourself, Mr. Barnes." 


	16. Chapter 16

            James wasn’t in the least nervous to return back to England. He knew his parents would be upset but he was sure they’d be happy to know that he and Natasha were getting along. They’d be willing to get married, no problem. And once his parents realized that they’d get over the unapproved trip to America.  
            After the ship back home, Natasha was a little sea sick. Even after the car ride from London she was pale and clammy. James wrapped an arm around her as they walked up to the house. He figured it would be good for his parents to see the gesture so they wouldn’t have to explain that they were now in love, not at each other’s throats.  
            The door opened and Mrs. Barnes opened the door like a tornado almost ripping it off the brass hinges. “James Buchanan Barnes, I ought to punish you for running off like a spoilt child!” She said sternly.  
            James just smiled and brushed off her anger. It would be over soon, so he thought. “Mum, I think you’ll be okay with how the trip went at least. Though I do apologize for being deceptive.” He said calmly and walked into the manor with Natasha still glued to his side. “Nat and I are ready to get married. We’ve put our differences aside and we want to go through with this.”  
            Natasha smiled and even though she still looked ill from the ship’s movements, there was warmth in her face. “As soon as possible.” She agreed softly glancing up at her fiancée happily.  
            For the first time, Mrs. Barnes’s face was like stone. Neither had ever seen her like that and it made them both worry almost instantly. James was even more concerned than Natasha because he’d known his mother to be gentle and loving his whole life. “Is there something wrong?” He asked. His stomach twisted up in knots when he realized something could have happened while they were gone and cut off from home. Perhaps someone died even? James was fairly relieved when his father showed up by his mother’s side. ‘ _Well at least he’s alive,’_ James mentally sighed.  
            But he was even more startled when his father spoke. “Miss Romanoff will not be marrying you, James.” Walter said in a cold voice. His gray eyes that had been passed down to James were like the gray foggy mornings everyone wanted to stay in bed for.   
            James went speechless for a moment. “But…we’ve made amends, and we've had quite a good time. We want to continue with the marriage and we'll get to know each other in that time. If you’re doing this to make us feel better, you don’t have to anymore.” He laughed nervously. “Unlike before, I have nothing against her. We found we really do love each other, no pretending.”  
            “It has nothing to do with that.” Elizabeth replied quietly, her voice holding little to no emotion. It was unclear whether she was angry, sad, or indifferent to the situation.   
            James’s weak smile faded completely. There was definitely something wrong in the atmosphere. “What are you talking about? What happened?” He asked.  
            “The Romanoffs have nothing to their name. They claimed they had wealth almost matching ours.” Walter looked sternly at Natasha like she was to blame. “Your father lied to me when he promised our family a dowry for the marriage. After a little research we found that your family is broke. You have nothing, therefore you have nothing to give us.” He looked away dismissively. She had nothing to offer him so he wanted nothing to do with her.   
            Natasha’s entire body froze. _Broke?_ But how? Her family had purchased the beautiful manor, they had kept up their aristocratic façade, they…they were wealthy in Russia, how could they have lost everything? “I don’t understand…” She whispered almost in tears she was so embarrassed. To be standing, broke, in the middle of the elaborate Barnes manor made her feel small and worthless.   
            James shook his head. “What’s a dowry to us then? We have enough money, why can’t I marry her so we _can_ give their family something! It's outrageous that we're demanding money for a marriage we want to go through with.” He tried to reason with his parents. There was no way he was letting them change their minds after he’d finally just accepted their first order.  
            “I will not give anything to those filthy Russian liars.” Walter hissed. “You will not argue this, James. We’ll sever ties like you wanted in the beginning and find someone new. You will marry someone who can offer this family something. Can you imagine if you married _her?_ She would ruin our reputation.”  
            “I don’t care about our reputation! It doesn't matter to me whether someone likes me or not! That's their problem, not mine.” James shot back fiercely. “I care for Natasha and I plan to marry her.” His arm around Natasha suddenly became protective and binding.  
            “You have no choice unless you want to be cut off from everything we’ve given you to succeed in life.” Walter continued. “I will not have a insolent, disgraceful son.”  
            Natasha wasn’t willing to allow James let go of everything just for her. She touched his arm. “Stay here, listen to them.” She whispered. “I’ll be...alright.” She lied and kissed his cheek before turning and heading towards the door. The defeated sounds of her heels clicking across the foyer floor echoed.  
            James stayed looking forward like a soldier. He didn’t look away from his parents; they disappointed him just as much as he disappointed them. Natasha’s footsteps became fainter in his ears until finally the maid shut the door behind her with a loud thud. His mind was berating him, scolding him for not even looking back. ‘ _What happened to your adventurous side, the side that disobeyed your parents and took a girl to America?’_ His own voice banged around in his head giving him a headache. He couldn’t wait for it to rain, it would hopefully make him feel something again. Then again though, Natasha was the rain.  
  



	17. Chapter 17

            The Romanoff family resigned themselves to a small cottage. Natasha still had a view of rolling fields though and she didn’t care about the house size. The only thing she cared about was nursing her broken heart. She sat in the little alcove of her new room’s window. She had a patchwork quilt wrapped around her shoulders and for the millionth time wished it was James holding her. She stared out the window just letting her mind wander. All the good memories in America she had floated in and out. Her green eyes welled up with tears and she couldn’t stand the way it stung.

           

            “Your parents are so proper.”

            James tried to hide his eye roll. He was walking through the manor’s gardens with another young woman on his arm. She was wife candidate number four and James was more than confident he was going to turn this one down too. She was short, much shorter than Natasha; her sandy hair was bundled up under a hat that had an entire mini-garden resting on the brim. A fake rose from her hat kept scratching against James’s shoulder and it was bugging him. A lot of things she was doing was bugging him. She was hooked to his arm too closely; her dress was too flashy, she walked too fast, she talked too much, and everything she was saying was annoying. But James knew it was only because Miss Green wasn’t Natasha. No other woman on the planet could please him unless it was Natasha.

            “Sure, I guess so.” James muttered.

            “My parents are as well.” The woman’s laugh felt like a hammer right at James’s skull, it bothered him so much.

            They reached the edge of the gardens and noticed Caellum grazing in the pasture not too far away. A hint of a smile played on James’s face when he remembered the way Natasha’s eyes lit up when she saw the beautiful horse. James glanced over at Miss Green. “Do you like horses?” He asked.

            She wrinkled her nose. “Heavens no.” She shook her head. “Dangerous beasts I can’t stand them.”

            James sighed and shook his head. “Fantastic.” He muttered sarcastically.

 

            Natasha knew their cottage wasn’t far from the Barnes manor. She gave a wide berth between her and the estate though. She couldn’t risk running into Walter or Elizabeth. God forbid she would have to see James and feel her heart snap in two again. She couldn’t get the sight of his smile out of her head but she knew if she met with him again he wouldn’t be smiling…she wouldn’t be either.

            Natasha started to rather the simpler dresses she had to start wearing. She sold most of her gowns to get money for the family. She liked the comfort of the dresses and not turning heads anymore. Being wealthy was a burden she didn’t want to carry anymore. As she walked down the road she pondered this burden. She was so lost in thought she didn’t notice someone walking towards her from the opposite direction.

            James kept walking from the estate after Elizabeth scolded him for calling Miss Green a ‘waste of his time’. He took off his suit jacket and tie feeling suffocated. He ruffled his hair and gritted his teeth. He knew this wasn’t over, his parents weren’t letting him go unmarried and they wouldn’t let him be happy with the only woman who made him happy. They would continue to find rich ladies who were ‘proper’ in their eyes. James was sure they would have to start looking in other countries for women because he was planning to turn all of them down. He glanced up and noticed a lower class woman walking on the other side of the dirt road. He figured how easy her life must be. But it wasn’t until she shifted the shawl covering her head did he notice her sharp red hair. James stopped in his tracks. “Nat…”

            Natasha looked up and startled when she saw him. “James…” She whispered and let the shawl fall off her head and onto her shoulders.

            James’s mouth fell open slightly and he rushed across the street to embrace her. Natasha dropped the things she was carrying and he hugged her so closely she was almost lifted off the ground. Natasha didn’t hesitate to wrap her arms around his neck.

            “Boy, am I glad to see you.” James said thankfully. He felt the annoyance and frustration from the previous hour dissolve away.

            “I-I’m glad to see you too.” Natasha felt like the breath was taken away from her. She didn’t know if it was a good or bad thing.

            James let her go and looked into her eyes. “You’ve gotten more beautiful than the last time I’ve seen you.” He whispered.

            Natasha started to tear up again and touched his cheek. “My love….” She whispered.

            “I know…I know.” James sighed and used his thumb to wipe away stray tears that slipped down her cheeks. “Don’t worry, I’m going to figure this out.” He promised almost feverishly.

            “There’s nothing to figure out, James, we can’t be together.” Natasha pulled away from him and bent down to pick up her things. “It’s not possible.”

            “It is, my parents don’t control my life.” James replied stubbornly. “I don’t care what they say, Nat, I can’t live without you.”

            “They’ll cut you off, I don’t want to split you up from your family, that’s insane.” Natasha shook her head and continued to gather her things from the ground. She couldn’t look up at him.

            “Natasha…I can’t live without you!” James repeated. “Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”

            She straightened up and finally made herself look at him. “I can’t live without you either but we have no choice!” She whispered, tears still falling down her cheeks.

            “We…but…” James shook his head and dropped his jacket and tie into the dirt. He closed the gap between them and took her face in his hands so he could kiss her fiercely.

            Natasha was so caught off guard she dropped her things again. But the familiar feeling was so indulgent and sinful she craved more. She wrapped her arms around his neck and knotted her fingers in his hair.

            When they parted for a few seconds James used a hand to pull her waist towards his. “I love you.” He said and left a few brief kisses on her neck and jaw. “I’m not giving you up again.” He vowed.

            Natasha’s mouth opened but nothing came out. She just clung to him tightly and closed her eyes. Nothing could pull her away from him again. She couldn’t handle it.


	18. Chapter 18

            Natasha woke up in between soft, silky sheets. She turned over and slowly opened her eyes. She was surprised to see James just inches away from her face. He was lying on his stomach, his arm slung over her waist, and his eyes closed peacefully. Natasha bit her lip and felt panic and guilt sink through her skin. She slipped out from under his arm and gathered the sheets around herself to cover up. She looked around the room blearily to look for her dress.

            She vaguely remembered what they’d done last night. It started off like all of their meetings had for the last few weeks. They met up on the road in the dead of night. Most meetings would stay outside or they would find a secluded pub to spend time together, but on nights that the Viscount and Viscountess went out, the couple stayed in the manor. Natasha remembered a bottle of champagne being opened and the two getting overly touchy. Somewhere in the night though she had too much to drink and forgot everything.

            She knew they couldn’t keep meeting like the way they were. Natasha was still greatly hurt that they couldn’t get married and she _wanted_ to be with him but not in secrecy. James didn’t see much of a problem with it because he wasn’t thinking long tem. He just wanted to be with Natasha as much as he could. Maybe he was just biding his time to find out a way to marry her without his parents disowning him.

            Natasha found her clothes and quickly tried to get dressed without waking up James. Unfortunately, the absence of her warmth already did just that. James sat up and looked around for Natasha. “Hey, are you leaving already?” He asked when he saw her getting ready.

            “I have to.” Natasha nodded. She could barely even look at him anymore she felt so ashamed of herself.

            “It’s early, my parents won’t be awake yet.” James assured her. “Come back to bed.” He coaxed and held out an arm to her.”

            Natasha shook her head. “I can’t.” She said quietly.

            “What’s wrong? Are you alright?” James asked getting the sense that she wasn’t her normal self.

            “I’m fine, James, just please leave me alone.” Natasha begged as she fumbled around the room to gather he belongings.

            James grabbed her hand as she passed by his side of the bed. “Tell me what’s wrong, please.” He begged softly. “I thought we had fun last night…”

            “I did, but we can’t keep this up.” Natasha told him truthfully. “It’s not going to last and we can’t just keep fooling ourselves.” She didn’t pull away from his touch though. She wasn’t innocent either, she wanted to relish in every touch they shared.

            “Why not?” James asked like a stubborn child. He frowned and felt like his morning was ruined. He was looking forward to a few more hours of holding her.

            “Because it’s not right. You’re going to marry someone one day and it can’t be me.” Natasha reminded me.

            “I-I’m not going to marry anyone else but you. And if I can’t marry you well at least I’m going to spend the rest of my life with you.” James said firmly.

            Natasha looked at him with helpless eyes. She touched his cheek and felt like crying but she remained strong. “Our parents won’t let us…you know that.” She pointed out.

            “Our parents don’t own us.” James replied. “Remember what we did? We disobeyed my parents and went to America, just like we dreamed of!” He squeezed her hand gently. “Now we’re dreaming of being together right?”

            “Of course, I would love that…”

            “Then let’s do it. We’ll get married, who cares what other people think?” James whispered with a smile.

            “Your parents though…James, I can’t have let them cut you off, what would that do to you?” Natasha shook her head still trying to listen to her reasonable side rather than her rebellious side.

            James sighed. “Nat….”

            “I should go.” Natasha let her hand slip through his and made herself turn away. She pulled her shawl over her shoulders.

            “Nat, please don’t go.” James begged from the bed. “We can work this out, it’s not that hard.”

            Natasha shook her head and blinked away tears. “I love you.” She whispered and slipped out through the back door.


	19. Chapter 19

            Natasha didn’t hear from James for another week. She thought it was probably for the best and tried not to mourn losing him again. But once the week was up, she was met with someone knocking on the door.

            Her parents weren’t home because they were out working. Natasha would’ve been working too but Mrs. Romanova had insisted she stay home. She went to the door and opened it slightly. “Hello?” She asked timidly. She wasn’t sure of who else lived in the remote area and didn’t want to let anyone suspicious in.

            “’Tasha, can I come in?”

            Natasha threw open the door when she recognized James. “What are you doing here?” She hissed.

            “Don’t worry, there’s no one around.” James replied and stepped inside to hug her. “I’ve made my decision.”

            “What decision?” Natasha stepped back and looked at his face. He was smiling brightly. It made her afraid that he had found another woman and was just there to rub it in.

            “About us.” James said excitedly.

            That’s when Natasha noticed he had a bag slung over his shoulder. “What are you doing?” She asked warily. She took another step back like he was going to attempt something insane.

            “Let’s just go.” James set his bag down and put two firm hands on Natasha’s shoulders. “Let’s run away to America again.” He whispered with thrill in his voice. “I have connections over there so there wouldn’t be any issue about a job. We’ll find an apartment in Manhattan and get married.”

            Natasha felt tears in her eyes because he was describing every dream she’d had since they left America. But she shook her head. “No…I can’t leave my family, they need me.” She whispered and pulled away from his arms.

            James looked dumbstruck. He’d half expected her to jump into his arms saying how she’d been waiting for this moment. But of course that was just his hopes. He knew she was the type of woman who wouldn’t leave her family in their time of need. But he couldn’t live without her either. “We’ll send them money.” He promised. “It won’t be long until they’re back on their feet when we’re helping them.”

            “They won’t accept it.” Natasha replied. Her green eyes averted to the floor. She couldn’t watch as the excitement was draining out of her only love.

            James swallowed and tried to think of more reasons for her to come. The only concrete one didn’t seem strong enough though. “I love you.” He whispered. “My dream is to be with you in America, not just me.”

            “And that’s my dream too but my dreams don’t come before my family.” Natasha said firmly. “They’re still scorned from what your parents did…I don’t blame you but they’re ashamed. I fear that if I left them…they would waste away.”

            James looked at her and felt his desires fall flat. Natasha didn’t want to go with him and he couldn’t go back home, he wouldn’t let himself. So he had no other choice. “Well…I’m going.” He said.

            Natasha looked up at him with tears in her eyes. She didn’t know how to feel about his statement. Part of her was happy that he was finding his own steady ground to walk on but that meant he was walking without her.

            “If you…if you change your mind I’ll send you my address.” James said and turned to leave. He lingered in the doorway though. “Are you sure?” He asked one more time.     

            Natasha closed her eyes so just the sight of him didn’t blind her. “Yes.” She whispered.

            James nodded and took one more step towards her to kiss her forehead. “I love you…I won’t stop thinking about you until I see you again.” He picked up his bag and left. He knew that they would see each other again…there wasn’t any way they wouldn’t as long as he had a say.

            Natasha heard his footsteps fade but she refused to open her eyes. She was terrified that when she opened them he would be really gone and that would be the last she saw of him. Instead she started to cry softly out loud and wrapped her arms around herself.


	20. Chapter 20

            _Dear Natasha,_  
 _I’ve found a place in New York. My associates and I are working together so money isn’t a problem. The city isn’t as beautiful as it was when you were by my side. You made me notice things that I wouldn’t have seen before. Being apart from you is worst knowing you’re across an entire ocean. I pray that you’ll come to live with me. I promise the second you arrive I’ll marry you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you no matter what country or even universe we’re in. Writing to you makes me feel a bit closer to you but I need to hold you in my arms again to feel alive again._  
 _Yours always,_  
 _James_  
   
            Natasha clutched the letter close to her chest. Tears poured down her cheeks and she couldn’t do anything but curl up on her small bed. His words were like small daggers digging into her heart. After reading the letter to the point of memorization, Natasha started to read the address written on the envelope. Eventually the inked words blurred from the tears and she dropped the pieces of paper.  
   
   
            _Dear James,_  
 _My heart was overjoyed when I received your letter. I’m glad that you’ve found a place to live and your friends were able to help your with a job. I’m sure the city is just as beautiful as before. I couldn’t change it even if I tried. I understand being away from each other is challenging. I feel the same way; my soul feels heavy without knowing you’re nearby. And I share your pain wholeheartedly. You were a very beautiful part of my life and that’s hard to let go. But perhaps there’s a reason we’re apart, it may be God’s will or it may be just coincidence. Either way we can’t fight what it is._  
 _Kind Wishes,_  
 _Natasha_  
   
            Bucky was sitting outside on the steps of his apartment. The sweltering heat of the city was dying down into fall. He’d been there for almost four months. The one letter he’d gotten from Natasha was in his pocket, where it stayed every day.  
            He watched the people walk by and the occasional couple strolled by hand in hand. Maybe it was the bitter wind but Bucky spitefully thought about how he wished it was him and Natasha walking the sidewalks. He could almost feel the ghost of her arm on his, the tickle of her fiery hair on his neck, the warmth of her smile, and the melodic sound of her laugh. He closed his eyes and tried to place himself back in those moments. They were the only things he had left of her, so it seemed.  
   
   
            _Dear Natasha,_  
 _I understand that you’re scared of what people may think. But you taught me not to care what people think. You taught me to make that leap and pursue the things I dreamed of. Well, I dream of you now and I won’t give up. I know you’re being cautious but for our love please don’t. Please take that leap and let me hold you again. Let me prove to you that marrying me and living in America isn’t a mistake. If you regret it even for a second you can leave me without me protesting. All I want is for you to be happy. And I believe that we can be happy together, just please try._  
 _I love you with all my heart,_  
 _James_  
  
  
            James was anxious to hear back from her but weeks passed and he didn’t receive any letters from England. His parents, true to their word, cut him out of their life and he didn’t hear from them. But James didn’t care; he only wanted to hear from Natasha. But the leaves fell from the trees and the season was slipping into a brutally cold winter. The darkness and ice was fitting to how James was feeling and it only caused him further depression. Near the holidays and he was at his worst. He only left the house for work and the occasional trip to church.  
            Late one night and James heard a group of carolers passing by the apartment building. The doorbell rang and he groaned. He wasn’t in the mood to be in the holiday cheery mood. But the doorbell rang again and it was obvious these people weren’t going to leave him alone.  
            James forced himself up and went to open the door.  
            Natasha was walking away from the door when he stepped out. She turned and stared up at him in the doorway.  
            James nearly slipped and fell on the ice as he ran down the stairs. He swept her right off her feet and hugged her close. “Jesus Christ, Natasha.” He whispered.  
            Natasha started to cry and hugged him back. “I’m sorry.” She sobbed. “I’m so sorry.”  
            “Sh, don’t….you don’t have to say anything.” James stroked her hair back and continued to hold her. He stood there with her in his arms for the longest time. The snow continued to fall and the faint sound of the carolers rang out through the street. It wasn’t cold though…it couldn’t be anymore.


	21. Chapter 21

            Steve Rogers should not have been alive. With asthma, run-ins with Scarlet fever as a child, and heart problems, he was a walking dead man. But he had an iron will and refused to be put down by any ‘silly’ illness. He unknowingly lived next to James and Natasha who had settled in completely by late February. He knew there were new neighbors but was trying to stay inside as much as possible to fend off the cold weather. But he needed to get the newspaper so he bundled himself up and went out to the front porch. Just as he opened the door, a young couple was walking up the steps.

            They looked like they’d been laughing about something with wandering smiles, their cheeks were bright red from the cold, and they were walking close together.

            James looked up and smiled at Steve who he immediately thought was a child by how small he was. “Are you the neighbor’s kid?” He asked.

            Steve _despised_ when people mistook him for a child. So what if he wasn’t six feet? He held himself up as tall as he could. “I’m your neighbor.” He said.

            James looked a little surprised but Natasha wasn’t fazed. She shook Steve’s hand. “It’s nice to meet you, I’m Natasha, and this is James.”

            “Those accents aren’t from around here huh.” Steve went into the common room of the apartment building to get out of the frigid cold. “Are you immigrants? My parents came from Ireland.”

            “I guess you could say that.” James said and took off Natasha’s coat before his own. “English born, and she followed me here from Russia.” He made up with a smile.

            “Well at least you’re used to the weather.” Steve started to forget about the child remark. “Have you settled in alright then?” He asked.

            “We have, it’s a beautiful place. You live downstairs then?” Natasha asked.

            “Yeah, Peggy and Angie are my roommates.” Steve nodded. “Dunno if you’ve met them yet.”

            “Two girlfriends huh?” James looked impressed.

            “Oh no…” Steve looked embarrassed. “They’ve been living together for a while. I just needed more space for my studio. They…uh…”

            “Studio? Are you an artist?” Natasha asked with interest.

            Steve nodded. “You want to come in? Ang and Peggs should be home you could meet them. I’ll show you some of my work.”

            Steve went to the apartment door and Natasha went to follow but James held her back. “Two girls…?”

            “There’s all sorts of people in New York, you’re going to have to get used to it.” Natasha reprimanded him. “I’m sure they’re lovely women.”

            James sighed and nodded. “Fine, you’re right.”

 

            Steve’s art was beautiful, Angie made Natasha laugh for minutes straight, and Peggy seemed like the type who took care of everyone. It was hours before James and Natasha left. They kept staying to look at more of Steve’s art and listen to more stories about Angie’s job at a nearby restaurant. Finally, night fell and James and Natasha insisted they _had_ to sleep sometime. So the three roommates let them go with a plan to have dinner with each other soon.

 

            James flopped back on the bed with a sigh. “It’s certainly a new world here.” He said.

            Natasha cuddled up close to him and smiled. “I thought that’s what you wanted.” She pointed out.

            “Yeah, it’s perfect.” James smiled and kissed her forehead. “Just wait till springtime….” He said leaving the idea up for total imagination.

            Natasha closed her eyes and pictured the trees and flowers bursting to life, long strolls with James through the park, keeping the windows open to let in the cool air and the gentle sound of the city below. It seemed like heaven to her. “Let’s never leave.” She decided.

            “Deal.”


	22. Chapter 22

            It wasn’t that long before James started to notice Natasha becoming very…’baby crazy’. At first he thought it was nothing but then he realized it was something much more important to her. Every time a stroller would pass by them, she had to stop to talk to the mother and coo at the baby.  
            “Isn’t she precious?”  
            “Oh James look at how tiny her hands and feet are!”  
            “How old is he? He looks so healthy!”  
            “Look at those beautiful eyes!”  
            James could take a hint pretty well and there was no way of . He knew it was only a matter of time before they had the talk about having children. They’d talked once before on their first trip together. Natasha said he would make a good father but he wasn’t particularly sure. Sure almost any man could bear children but to be a good father seemed like an art that was completely new to James. But he had a feeling it would make Natasha and even himself very happy. They dreamed of being married and having a family...so this was a good start. James decided he was ready and that same night he went to go tell the woman he loved.   
   
            Natasha sat at the vanity in the bedroom brushing out her hair. It was late and James was just coming in from a long day at work. She heard the bedroom door open and she turned around.  
            “Hi, love.” James smiled warmly and held open his arms for her.   
            Natasha got up and rushed into his arms as fast as she could. It felt like she'd been waiting for days for him to come home.  
             He scooped her up and kissed her deeply, tangling his hand in her hair. He was so happy to see her after daydreaming about just being home with her.  
            Natasha put her hand on his cheeks and pulled back to catch her breath. “Well, hello to you too, Mr. Barnes.” She giggled.  
            James walked over and set her down on the bed on her back. “I missed you so much, so goddamn much. It felt like time was standing still at the office.” He gently hovered over her, resting his elbows on the bedspread. “I couldn’t get you out of my head.” He rested his forehead against hers.   
            Natasha blushed and pecked his lips quickly. “Why are you so eager?” She asked brightly and made it so he lifted his head a bit.   
            James took a deep breath and looked into her eyes. “I’ve been thinking about something…for a little bit. And I think I’ve made my decision. And I want to tell you because it's sort of important.”  
            Natasha looked up at him curiously. “What do you mean?” She gently wrapped her arms around his neck, running her fingernails down the nape of his neck. “You’ve decided what?”  
            “Let’s have a baby.” James said a bit nervously. “If…if you want to. I mean it seemed like you were thinking about it recently. I dunno if I was reading into things...”  
            Natasha’s green eyes widened, “Really? You want to have a baby?”  She gasped out of excitement. “Are you sure? I mean we’re still starting out…I don’t want a baby to stress you out…it's a big responsibility...”  
            “No, don't even think about that.” James shook his head. “I’d be so happy if we had a child together.” He said truthfully. “I love you so much and I think we have enough love between the two of us to share with a little girl or boy.” He shrugged shyly.   
            Natasha’s eyes watered. “Yes…yes of course I love you so much. We can start a family…I love you…” She said and pulled him close so she could kiss him over and over again a bit feverishly.  
            James held her close and felt like his heart was on fire. He couldn't contain how much he loved that woman. And thinking about her pregnant with his child made him feel like the luckiest man in the world. 


	23. Chapter 23

            Six months passed and Natasha was slipping into a hopeless state of depression, despite the great months she had before. They’d been trying for a baby for so long but she never became pregnant. She felt like she was cursed with something that was preventing her from being a mother, as if she'd done something to anger God and now he was punishing her. But she didn't feel bad for herself, she was feeling bad for James.   
             
            James found her sitting in the parlor one night with a saddened look on her face. She was wearing a pair of silk pajamas and had her knees tucked up to her chin. Her green eyes were swollen and still teary as she looked outside. She watched a pair of kids running down the street with a ball.  
            James set his things down and went to find out what was wrong. “’Tasha…is something bothering you?”  
            Natasha wiped her eyes and kept looking away from him. “I’m worthless, that’s what’s bothering me.” She sniffed.  
            “Worthless?” James knelt down in front of her and placed a hand on her knee. “Who gave you that idea?”  
            “Myself, I don’t need anyone to tell me. I can’t get pregnant so what’s my purpose?” Natasha demanded. “I want to make you happy and give you everything you deserve but I can’t…” She burst out into more tears.  
            “Hey, hey, that’s not even remotely true.” James said and reached up to touch her cheek. “Look at me.” He instructed softly. “Your purpose isn’t to just have children. I know you’re upset but you’re so much more than just a woman. You’re the love of my life…you’re my best friend…you’re the reason I get up and smile every day.” He whispered softly. “Look at how far you’ve come. You decided what you wanted for your life and you took it. I can only be blessed that you wanted someone like me.”  
            Tears streamed down Natasha’s cheeks and ran over James’s hand. He gently used his thumb to wipe them away.  
            “Believe me,” he stood up and scooped her up into his arms, “I’m not going to hate you for something that’s out of your control. If we can’t have children then that’s that.” He shrugged. “We can look for another direction. Maybe…we see if that orphanage down the road will let us adopt…or we could get a dog or a cat. Anything to make you feel better.”  
            Natasha nodded and clung to him tightly. “I don’t know how you manage to make me feel better every time.” She whispered.  
            “I don’t know, you do the same thing.” James shrugged and sat down, keeping her in his lap. “Trust me, Natasha, life isn’t about purposes. It’s about doing what makes you happy. Are you happy here with me?”  
            “Of course.” Natasha replied without any hesitation. “I couldn’t imagine living without you, you know that.”  
            “Then you don’t need to worry about anything else.” James assured her. "That's all we need."   
            Natasha still looked a little heartbroken though. “But…I-I wanted to feel that joy when we find out. And I wanted to make you so happy when you held your little girl or boy.”  
            “And maybe that’ll happen one day. It’s only been a few months.” He reminded her. “But for now you need to look at the other positives we have. We’re together; we have a beautiful home, entertaining neighbors, and a city that holds endless possibilities. Natasha, we’re in the city I fell in love with you. I don’t think I could be any luckier.” James gently kissed her cheek. “Now just please promise me that you’ll be easier on yourself about this.” He said softly. “I hate seeing you so upset about things that are beyond your control.”  
            “I’ll try.” Natasha promised and rested her cheek against his shoulder.  
            “That’s all I ask.” James nodded. “I love you.” He reminded her like she didn’t already know.


	24. Chapter 24

            “That’s papa, and that’s Uncle Steve and there’s Auntie Angie with Auntie Peggy.”

  
            Little Alice giggled and drooled a little over the picture her mother was pointing to. She had her father’s eyes and her mother’s red curls. She was loved by the entire block and adored by her parents. She was their miracle in every sense of the word.  
            She was born in 1911. It was before World War One started, before the Great Depression, instead she was born into a calm era of peace and love. She would face those obstacles in the long run. She would be six when the US entered the war and nineteen when the nation fell into the Depression. But in 1911 she was just Alice Elizabeth Barnes, the light of her mother’s eyes and her father’s princess.  
            She didn’t experience the wealth her parents did. She was born a US citizen, one who grew up in middle class. She adored the freedom and love she was given. It was everything Natasha and James missed out on but then gained through each other and moving to their new home in a new country. 

  
   
            “What did you really think when you first saw me? And be honest, I think I can take the truth by now.”  
            Natasha giggled quietly when he asked the question. Alice was asleep and the couple couldn’t seem to get to bed. It was New Years and everyone else was partying. Being new parents, Natasha and James decided to stay home. But James wanted to make it special. So he cleared snow off the fire escape, bundled up blankets and poured each of them a glass of champagne. They curled up next to each other as the watched the snowfall and the people ringing in the new year from the streets below.  
            “I thought…you were very handsome. But I had no idea who you were so I was a little skeptical. You sort of just appeared out of nowhere.”  
            James chuckled. “Well at least you thought I was handsome.” He shrugged. "That's enough to make me pleased."   
            “And what did you think?” Natasha replied wanting to know the same.   
            “I thought you were very exotic, especially when I heard your accent for the first time. Then, I saw how beautiful you were. I wondered where you’d been my whole life.”  
            “And then you found out you had to marry me.” Natasha teased. She remembered how the mood between them changed when their parents dropped the explosive news.   
            “And you stabbed me with a fork.” James reminded her. “I thought all of your looks were just a façade, a pretty face to cover it all up.”  
            “A façade to how crazy I was?” Natasha grinned and poked him in the side.  
            “No to how determined and strong willed you are.” James corrected her. “You weren’t crazy. You were very progressive apparently.”  
            Natasha knew, of course, that he was referring to her involvement in woman’s suffrage. She was such a fan of the freedom and equality America gave her but once she got caught up with all the news and history, things changed a little. She made steps to helping people around her. James admired her so much. He strove to be just a fraction of how amazing she was on a daily basis.  
            “I love you.” James told her and kissed her cheek. “I can’t wait to spend a whole new year with you.”  
            “May it be prosperous and full of happiness,” Natasha held up her champagne flute to clink it against his.  
            “I know it will be.” James replied. “This life hasn’t let me down yet. I was brought to you and blessed with a beautiful little girl.”  
            Natasha smiled and nodded in agreement. “Life has been good to us.” They didn’t think about the bad because it was all in the past. All the tears and hardships were final and the chapters were already written. All they had were each other and the future. And to James and Natasha that was more than enough.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's all folks. I couldn't think of anything else to write for them so I'm finishing it instead of leaving it hanging. Thanks to everyone who commented and followed, it means a lot!


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